I suppose that the pain of missing Jane only gets deeper. Our home is too quiet, especially since we were soooo excited about having a house full of Jane’s noises.
It’s totally helpful that I have a really good imagination, and can still smell Jane’s scent in my mind.
Mark 11:24 plainly says, “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” We asked for Jane so many times. I really am having a hard time making sense out of that, missing her…
I’ve been told several times that eventually we’ll “just move on”. That makes my blood boil. What I decided instead that makes the most sense to me is “just keep going”.
UPDATE: The second I posted this, I heard someone I respect greatly say, “there are some things in life that you will never get thru with just prayer.” Then, “God will not take away your problems immediately.” I suppose this means something to me.
Dear Daniel
After reading this latest post, I would like to share something with you. I had a misscarriage when I was 5 months pregnant. Although the pain of this misscarriage does not compare to the pain of what you and Elizabeth are going thru, my blood also boiled when people would tell me “It’s for the best” or “just move on”. Eventually my pain did lessen, but I allowed myself to mourn and I did alot of crying. Allow your family and friends to love you and comfort you. 22 years later, I still think of and miss the child that would have been. My family and close friends were of great support to me and my husband.
Daniel,
Beautiful photo,looks like Jane has Papa eyes.
Do you remember the letter you sent me directly after the loss of my father? I refer back to it from time to time.
It’s very cliche,its very upsetting that anyone would tell you to just move on. As you put it,keep going. Mourn your loss, don’t forget what you’ve gained. Move in your lives,you will never forget Jane but you will start to feel and remember it differently as time goes by. It will always sadden you,but I promise so many things and questions in your minds and hearts will start to make sense…in God’s time.
My heart Is aching along with yours and Elisabeth’s. I continually pray for your guys swift comfort. Directly after my fathers funeral,is when it hurt the worst. When it was quiet,everyone went home. I find that I didn’t want to stop hurting because it meant I had to move on in a
sense. It still hurts but I try to focus and be content that he is at rest. I never want to let go of the hurt because it sounds like I have to try and forget him. Only now almost 2 years later am I able to accept that he is at rest,not suffering,he served his purpose …and moving forward in my life Is what he would want for me.
You know how many lives your daughter touched,and she changed yours forever. Take your time going through the thoughts and questions and tears. Don’t just move on,but dont forget life is still around you.
God will continue to work in you,your life and family,I’m sure of it. He will give it meaning,and you will be comforted. I promise you,and He promises you.
So much love for you and Elisabeth.
Sash
Romans 12:15
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
Sometimes saying nothing is better than platitudes.
Daniel and Elizabeth….Had our kids over for lunch today after church. At the table before praying for our meal we brought your names before the Lord.in prayer. Many are keeping you in prayer and also dont understand many things but we are told to trust and accept this is the answer for now. Many hold a love for you and your sweet baby Jane and will not forget her.
I had gone to the store to buy a card to send you. I stood there, crying at each card, but rejecting them one after another. The words were just not good enough. When I saw you, I too said something stupid. The words were just not good enough. I lamented this the rest of the day. Stupid Stupid words! They don’t express what my heart feels! I think that the only one who really can express to you rightly is the one who has experienced in life what you are going through. And, of course, God through His Spirit and Scripture…and sometimes through people when clearly called by Him. From my own experience, which is not comparable to yours, but is all I can share about…when I was both infertile and undergoing cancer treatments, the words of people sometimes really really made my blood boil. Don’t they understand? I just wanted them to understand. But the truth I learned is that if they haven’t been through it, they won’t understand. I decided to let go of the stupid things that were said that infuriated me, for there wasn’t enough time in life to hold on to such words. I focused on the words that were helpful. And I realized that it didn’t matter what anyone said…the fact that they were saying something to me was because they loved me. Words often fail. But the Holy Spirit prevails. And our hearts have the right words within us through the Holy Spirit to pray on your behalf. I know you have questions about the scripture. Answers to that one will take time, as I’m sure many, like myself, are pondering your question. But for today, do not give your mind even an inch of room to think about any words from friends or family that upset you. Know that they love you and mean well. If the words don’t make sense, then just throw them out with the trash. Focus on Jane. Write in a journal about Jane. Write down all the times God made His presence known to you during Jane’s life. Think about the smell of Jane. No words. Just Jane.
Daniel and Elizabeth:
My Brother-in-law lost their daughter at 6 months. He left her imprint that she made in her crib for a year. When he opened the dryer the next day, there were all her clothes. She will always be a part of their familly. I hope you and Elizabeth find the strength to help you. Tys. Katsya
Dear Daniel & Elisabeth,
Baby Jane became such a part of my life. I thought about her daily and still do. Friends of mine at my church would ask about her whenever they would see me and now they shed tears with me. She touched so many.
My love to you both, Auntie Annette
Matthew and I visited Jane at the cemetery today. Walking among the headstones, past those relatives and forefathers, I slowly stopped at Jane’s flowers. The tears started flowing. A warm breeze enveloped us as we stood there, paying our respects to this little lady who despite never having met, has touched us and our community so deeply. I looked over at little James Kornoff’s headstone,and the tears continued. Next to him my cousin David Federoff. Three small angels who were called home too soon. I found myself questioning again, “why Lord”? The loss of a child leaves such a deep gaping hole in the parents lives, and while that healing process is a long and painful one, that memory of a beautiful little angel will live on forever in your hearts. She’s among the angels now, playing with James and David as they run through the fields. Although missing her mommy and daddy, the love that you both showered her with during those short weeks of life, I truly believe has given her the peace and comfort to know that you both will be okay. Even though right now it doesn’t seem like it will ever be okay, like each day is just as painful as the last, God will provide – His healing is a promise. Jane was too perfect for this world, but God let you have a glimpse of His precious angel before he called her back home. “I will never leave you or foresake you” it is HIS promise. Matt and I continue to pray for you both during this slow healing process, and as you cling to each other, never stop looking towards the Lord – he promises to be there every step of the way! Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these
It has been many days since I have looked at your blog but I mustered up the courage this evening and to my surprise was that beautiful picture of you with Jane. Wow, she looks like her pop and then my tears came and kept coming. I decided to keep reading and ‘clicked’ onto the posts cloud. So much comfort so many of the same feelings I have. I too struggle with continuing daily for fear of forgetting Jane, that holding onto the grief is like holding onto her. I dont want to let go. I have questions. I thought our faith and prayers were going to save her, she was going to be our little miracle baby. Where do I find the faith that moves mountains? In my pain I have turned to God and he sustains me. Our souls cry for Jane and at times the sorrow is strong but we have to go through this grieving time, even Christ cried when his friend Lazarus died. One day at a time. That is how Jane lived, one day at a time, and she struggled and fought for each of her days and I thanked God for each day she was with us. So many people were touched by Jane and their comments have been such comfort. Thank you everyone for each and every one of your prayers for our family, for when I am weary I know it is your prayers that lift me up.
Christ cried for his friend, and yet, He did not save his friend from death. Why? He could have. He had performed such miracles before. Perhaps it was because He wanted to show a greater miracle: Jesus did not keep Lazarus from death, but raised him from death. And, indeed, between the time that Lazarus had died and was then raised back to life, Jesus mourned. Jesus performed many different types of miracles for many people, but chose to perform the biggest miracle for his dear friend Lazarus.
I am grateful for your recent posts, although they are heartbreaking, I have wondered how you are doing. I don’t know you & you don’t know me, but your sweet daughter has touched my life & I don’t want to ever forget her. I cannot fathom the level of your pain &what you are going through &I don’t imagine it will end anytime soon. Allow yourself to grieve, listen to your heart, remain faithful, trust God. My continued prayers of comfort for you.
yourself to grieve, listen to your heart &I most of all, remain faithful
She is so cute Daniel & Lis, I love that picture and will always remember Jane in that light….Like your Mom Siapin said….one day at a time.